some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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