Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Holy shit dude........stairs
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
