I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize