Come see our sink grown plant.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
