If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
