Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
