Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Randomize
