Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
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