Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
