they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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