I got chris browned last night
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
