Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
