I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
