can we get nightvision for the apartment?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I looked at my own cervix.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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