Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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