She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
