What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize