No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
