Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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