I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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