you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
