You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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