He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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