Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
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