so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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