We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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