i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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