So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
