Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
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