this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
