my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize