if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
what is it with giant penises always finding me
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
