ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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