I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
