I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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