i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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