I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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