Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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