He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
