So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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