So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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