I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
