I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
