If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
