I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You were trust falling into bushes
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
