my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
