I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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