dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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