we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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