im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
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