haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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