I just threw up on my dentist
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize