It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize
