plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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