I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
