I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize