I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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