is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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