i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Shame - the story of my life.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
