i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize