I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
