I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
