I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
