the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
