i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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