To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
