i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
