I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
