the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
