i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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