if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
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