she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
