from now on my penis is your penis
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
