found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
