You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
