Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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