paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
3pm strippers are depressing
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
