I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
