She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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