I hope mine doesn't look like that
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize