you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
