hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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