Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Randomize
