Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
How does it feel to date your dad?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
