OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
