The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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