Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
