I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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