Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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