youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
