i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
