Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
