This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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