holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
