Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize