and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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