I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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