you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
