Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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