I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
