I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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