Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize