chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
bring money and cleavage
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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